Some News

Thanks to my parents' model I believed that most people spent their 50's contemplating the faits accomplis of their lives - madly successful children with several alphabetics at the end of their names, careers that hummed along like well-oiled machines, chubby stock porfolios, perfected tennis shots and the prospect of sunset dinners "at the club" - coasting nicely toward a soft landing in some sunbelt city at 62. Maybe some of you guys are there. But around here everybody is still humping it to work, rallying around children who progress like low-flying balloons, sweating over their 401ks and increasingly sobered by the decline of their parents, their marriages and their health. I figured that I had front-loaded my life with the requisite tragedies and challenges one's life must include. I didn't realize that this decade requires not just a second wind, but a third.

And damn those hot flashes anyway.

But.....there is always hope for the melancholy quintegenarian.

So today I will provide some good news - not because I need to brag. But because it's nice to be able to breathe for a while.

Since my kids have been my obsession for 27 years I appropriate their victories and failures. Right now no one is breaking the law, floundering academically or breaking anybody's heart. So, having lowered my standrards years ago, I'm feeling pretty good.

My youngest, Zach, had the best summer of his nerdy indoor little life. We went to Italy in June, where he celebrated his 16th birthday in Rome with a glass of wine in his hand and a rooftop view of the city at night. That's a cultural personal best for any Humphrey (owing to that fact that our idea of traveling usually means a 2-hour drive to the inlaws). Later he spent 3 weeks away from my helicoptering behavior at a local faux-college experience. The only way I could communicate with him was through facebook (he having jumped into a swimming pool with his cell-phone in his britches). So every time I logged on to message him I was treated to pictures of my baby surrounded by packs of, well,....girls! (to the praise of his brothers)... and who knows what those photos imply, hem? I think his aggregate cultural, intellectual, spiritual and social experiences have eclipsed the rest of our tribe. He's now in his junior year, taking "AP/Honors Everything" and deliberating whether to be a microbiologist or a......"hey Mom, wait a minute,....what if I really like English instead?" Jeez.

Next up is John, now a commuting sophomore at Florida Atlantic University. His view of academics is starting to shift from that of "necessary evil" to "interesting." After running the gauntlet of freshman courses at a Florida state institution (and yes, we are still 48th in the nation for high school achievments...followed closely by Arkansas) he is now encountering more sophisticated teaching and is waking up intellectually. He divides the rest of his time living an "ESPN" life - fishing, spearfishing, pick-up basketball. He also makes pit stops to maintain a 6-year relationship with his girlfriend, Ashley. John's ambitions swing between wanting to be a boat captain in the Bahamas and being an accountant...I vote for an accountant who owns a boat.

Last comes Joe, who will be 25 next week. After a huge crash in both his personal and professional lives he has risen like a phoenix out of the ashes. As many of you know, in late Spring he made a decision to radically change his life. He got sober (his blood had been about 80-proof since middle school), quit his soul-sucking job, reconciled with his ex-fiancee, changed his diet/exercise routines and is now resolutely forging new financial habits. And, for those of us in the faith community, he is going to church (thank you, Jesus! Hallelujah! Get out the tambourines!)

In July Joe called me and asked, "What are you doing next Sunday?" which, translated, meant "We want to get married in your backyard next Sunday." He and Katie had tired of just living together and no longer cultivated elaborate wedding/honeymoon fantasies. So, in 7 days our families threw together an intimate wedding for 17 people (insert much scrambling here). The money Katie's dad had originally earmarked for her wedding will fund a honeymoon trip to Scotland in November. On October 18th we are going to have another backyard party for about 100 in the couples' honor (there are many relatives and friends to placate). Our entertainment will be a baby boomer band (in which Katie's dad is the bass player). If you want some cold shrimp, a beer and some Allman Brothers, you're invited.

Girls, I'm a @#$%*& "mother-in-law".

To moderate all this happy news, my health still pretty much sucks. I suffer all the middle-aged cliches and am running up my tab at various doctors' offices. And I suffer greatly because I can't decide who to vote for in November. Remember, where I hang out all "good evangelicals" are supposed to vote for McCain/Palin...but, seriously....I mean, seriously. And then there's Obama/Biden. I will agree with Allison by saying that Obama is an "rockstar" (have you seen Jon Stewart's video putting up Obama like "the Lion King"?). I only hope that his game is half as good as his bullshit. The next presidency is going to be quite a ride for whoever wins. If I had an old 60's fallout shelter out back I'd be tempted to fill it with cash and fritos just in case the Apocalypse is really coming. And so the burden is on me to study and pray instead of just "voting my party". I never liked being a grown-up.

But I take heart. Most of my cognitive faculties remain and I have been blessed to be given another day to live. So I today determine to find somebody to love ferociously and to put some effort into making this world a better place. Carpe diem, girls.