The Empty Nest Looms

Ned applies to college this year, Cornell Engineering early decision, so the empty nest looms. Wish us luck. Daniel is a senior at Skidmore. He will finish a double major in physics and computer science, but has realized he probably should have majored in political science and history, and wants to do it all over again. I told him that was great, but I couldn't pay for it. He is finally realizing that he has been playing against his strengths, which are verbal and writing skills, and he is thinking about law school eventually. However, he may end up working at the college in the information technology department for a year or two after he graduates. He had a great summer working for them full time and loving it, while subletting a wonderful apartment from a Chinese professor. The magical thing is that he is ready for independence. He knows how to do it all now: to find a place to live, to manage a budget, to cook healthy food for himself (and his girlfriend!), to keep his car running, to work on a normal schedule, to get along with people.

Meanwhile, Terry is an empty nester. Terry's younger son Greg has just started at Humboldt State, and older daughter Kyle leaves for junior year abroad in Seville tomorrow morning. Mimi's Nick is loving Parsons and living in what sounds like a great apartment in the east village with a view of trees and a courtyard out his windows. She misses him, which is of course understandable. On the other hand, I enjoy being part of Daniel's life through long phone calls. It is amazing how much more he tells me now that he is far away. As a result, I can't seem to get worked up about the empty nest thing. I think it is partly because I have been empty-nesting every other week since the divorce because I have to share Ned.

This year, I hit the national job market in a serious way, trying to get west to Terry. There are rank open, senior jobs in dispute resolution in at least 5 west coast law schools. I had expected that this would happen eventually, because the field has grown to such a degree that students are demanding the courses. I wrote 4 law review articles during my sabbatical, mostly during the summer, and all of them will appear in print in 2009. So we will see.

Dad is declining. Mom reports that the cancer has advanced and he is coughing blood. I was able to get the boys down there and took everyone to Daytona Beach for some quality time over the summer. I will not bring them down again; they want to remember him healthy. Dad is pretty philosophical about it all. He tells my mom, "Lola, I'm almost 85. I am going to die of something. So I will die from this." I know that life is change and life is subject to suffering. Most of you have been through some version of this with your parents. It is not on my mind all the time in a conscious way. Instead, I find myself confused and unable to concentrate, without really understanding why. I was able to get things done over the summer because Dad was asymptomatic and I was mostly in California with Terry coming home to me every night: the calm before the storm.

I discovered Spirit Rock over the summer. It is an insight meditation retreat in West Marin, and it is a jewel. There were drop-in 2-hour meditation classes on Thursday mornings for women, and on Wednesday mornings for anyone, and an all day retreat I attended on a Saturday. Each class or retreat has sessions for sitting meditation, then walking meditation, and then dharma talks or lectures on Buddhism. If you are at all interested, many of the lectures are freely downloadable podcasts available at www.dharmaseed.org. I have actually been doing a little practice for years. The Dalai Lama has come to Bloomington several times because his late brother lived here (he died Friday), and I have attended his teachings.

At the end of the summer, Terry and I took a week vacation and went hiking, fishing, and swimming in the Emigrant Wilderness and Stanislaus National Forest in the Sierras. We did not camp, but instead rented a cabin and used it as a base for day trips. It was his first real vacation in three years, and it was hugely restorative for both of us.

And Cindy, it appears you were right about John Edwards, but I know you are too kind to gloat. However, I remain committed to his policies. I am working a bit for the Obama campaign on civic engagement issues.

So that is the news. I know Allison and I are checking the blog. All else seems to be silence. Are you out there? How is June for a reunion in Bloomington?