more holidays

Thanksgiving was quiet and peaceful in Marin: just Daniel, me, Terry, and his kids. We all spent each day sleeping until noon, except for a ten-mile hike Sunday through elk herds to Tomales Point. Now Christmas is coming and promises to be equally quiet; my brother is flying in and I will have Daniel and Ned for half the day. My parents have passed into a new category of folks who feel physically unable to travel. And I can't take the kids to Florida until Ned is 18 and can make his own choices. There was another small transition this month; Ned is now driving himself to school in the ancient stick shift Toyota Paseo: no more daily car conversations. Time passes, and things change. After Victoria's last post, I have just been grateful for everyone's continuing place in my life.

I have been a terrible Christmas card person; forgive me and accept my wishes for love and contentment at Christmas and in the New Year. Here is a picture of my sons and my niece Jessica at Steve's apartment in the West Village:

Reaching for Hope

Today is the 7th anniversary of the death of our son James. I am really struggling this year, swinging through the high trees on slippery vines of numbness, regret and guilt. The branches I grab for are made up of hope and rationalizations. How does one deal in a healthful way with this kind of thing, even after this amount of time? I dunno. Today and yesterday have been a study in small disappointments and tiny fiascos, each of them not enough to depress me or make me angry, but the sum of them are now making me feel positively postal.

If you guys are the praying kind, now would be a good time to pray for me....so that I don't do something heartless or stupid. Grace seems to be eluding me right now.

The Tuesday before Thanksgiving has pretty much sucked since 2000. But I usually repress the worst and gear up for the usual happy chaos of the holiday with my in-laws. But today I opened a gift sent by one of my sisters-in-law, a bracelet with these words:

"And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain, for the former things are passed away.
- Revelation 21:4

And so I wept...with remorse and hope, for myself and my son.

Press into the ones that you love. Ask and give forgiveness. Play fair. And let's finish with as few regrets as possible.

I count all of you among my blessings.

Victoria

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

I wondered if I was missing anything having not been on the blog in a while . I see that Lisa has been very busy; tired just thinking of the sleepover, Japan travel and then up to Terry's. Sounds great though. We will have our dinner her in California with no extended family but Courtney and Kristin will be here. Our big news is that Cathryn's Volleyball team is moving onward toward the State Championship. If they keep winning they will play in the fails in San Jose on Dec 1. Al you will have to make that one!

New York, Thanksgiving and Korean Soju

I am in New Orleans for the holiday and not back in SF until the 28th. I am somewhat exhausted, even for me, and welcome this respite.



I spent four long and wonderful days in NY, then back for a week, then to Las Vegas for the NAPABA (National Asian Pacific American Bar Assn) and then onto New Orleans.



New York. I arranged the trip because my friend, Judy Butterfield (see http://www.judybutterfield.com/), (who is 17) was performing at the Oak Room at the Algonquin, one of my favorite venues in New York. This was on a Sunday night. Then I found out my friend Joelle (she is French -- a "frog" she always says in her very Parisian accent...more about Joelle later) was also in town that week. She has an apartment in the West Village. So I made appointments with a bunch of clients and arranged some wonderful meals with them to justify the trip and off I went.



Sunday night, I had a table of five, Joelle, Maria Cristina (a shrink originally from Argentina I think, who speaks fluent french among other languages and is a close friend of Joelle's and has been to New Orleans for Mardi Gras), Alison Pearsall (more about her later), and Margaret Clark, my close friend of many years who is a painter and works in the fine jewlery department at Bergdorf's. Judy was a huge hit, the show was wonderful -- this was her second show at the Oak Room. I got to watch the rehersal and talk with "Eddie" who runs the Room and he was talking about her last show.

Afterwards, a bunch of us went to Birdland to see Arturo Farrell and his Afro Cuban Orchestra. We closed that place and Judy and her base player (remember she's 17 and he's 24) still wanted to go out so i was the sport and we stayed out wandering Manhattan until 3 a.m. I don't know how I did that.

The next night I went to an award ceremony for Alison Pearsall who is a third year lawyer at a NY firm...I meet her when she was a first year law student at UW during on campus interviews. I couldn't bring her to Thelen at that time but have been trying to woo her to DWT...through all this, we became friends. She won an award for her pro bono work on behalf of West African women trying to emmigate to escape genital mutilation, mostly for their daughters. Alison's father came in from Paris to see this and she introduced me to him as her "mentor." That felt pretty good.

After that cocktail party and reception, I went to dinner in the old meat packing district, which is now hoity and up scale, with joelle -- my friend and former client. We have a lovely dinner at STK -- not your daddy's steakhouse is how they advertise.

On Tuesday night, I went to see the Receptionist. It's an off broadyway play -- an allegory for Bush's torture program and was effective enough. I think it could have been tighter but it was pretty good.

Wednesday, Margaret and I escaped all and went to a lovely wine bar, small plate restaurant in Union Square.

It was so cold that I bought mittens and a hat so I could walk around...so great.

Then the next week I went to NAPABA -- the Asian Pacific Bar assn annual meeting, and learned to drink Soju with Koreans -- they drink and sing karoke all night. I had made a lot of friends the year before by using many of these folks as local counsel in a big case and so I showed up at the conference because I knew I could get my pay back. We also had a great client dinner so that was fun...and NO SLEEP AGAIN.

Now I am in New Orleans and Jess brought a friend who hadn't been here in a long time so we stayed out listening to live music last night...fun never stops. I'll get some rest in the next couple of days. Weather is perfect here, lovely. I took the dog for a three miles run this morning and it was just great.

Upload photos of your thanksgiving feast...

Kids

Another LAN party is in progress. They have all eaten dinner (chicken, pasta with pesto sauce, salad) sitting in the dining room, and making ethnic jokes at each other. Because of the university, the smarter kids tend to be an international group. Tonight, they consist of one Canadian, four US citizens, and two Koreans. There seems to be consensus that Koreans can ace any test except the written driving test. The most affectionate jokes are about the Canadian. One started an Italian club. He is second generation; Ned joined in homage to his grandma Lola. Asians moms generally are strict, so the Koreans are not allowed to spend the night (translation: stay up all night gaming). I have heard great imitations of kids getting reamed out by their moms on the cell phone in some incomprehensible language. Daniel had one friend who would come to LAN parties whose dad was German and mom was Vietnamese. His name was great: Jan Wan Schmimmelman. All three names rhyme with won, as in won ton soup. Jan (pronounced yon) was trilingual. It was fun listening to his mom give him marching orders in Vietnamese, while his dad called him to the car in German.

The group tonight also consists of six boys and one girl. Amanda takes no prisoners. She is my son Ned's girlfriend of almost a year. She is a senior (17); he is a junior (16). She is 5' 1", blonde, blue-eyed, petite and solid muscle. She knows judo. On their first joint visit to my house last December, she proceeded to tell me the story of how, in sixth grade, her body matured early. Some idiot boy tried to touch her where he shouldn't; she responded with judo and broke his nose. The principal said he understood, but that she should try not to break kids' noses next time. Jan tried to put the moves on Amanda last summer, and she threatened to throw him if he did not back off. It was fun to see Ned's smile while Amanda later told me the story; Jan did not stand a chance.

If it is not already perfectly clear, I love and adore Amanda. The tricky thing is to take the kids seriously - they are very, very serious - while trying to help them not hurt each other in the long term. For example, Amanda is a terrific student, but comes from a relatively low income family. They are born and bred Hoosiers. Her dad used to hunt deer and squirrel to lay in a supply of meat for the family every winter. (Did I tell you she has a 22 and is an accomplished hunter?) They raised chickens and bartered with fresh eggs. She is only applying to IU, ostensibly for financial reasons. In-state tuition is less than $8,000 a year, and including room and full board in a double, it is $14,000 to $15,000 a year, and hopefully she will get a big scholarship. In comparison, Skidmore costs $49,000 a year for tuition, room and board.

However, I suspect she is also applying to IU because she is putting herself in a holding pattern while she waits to see where Ned goes. I took both kids to the University of Michigan Admissions office last summer when we picked up Ned from UMich computer camp. They both like it there, but I plan to take Ned east in March to see other schools. My concern is that they will start making compromises to be with each other and then regret it later. Amanda wants to go to medical school and do research on the genetic origins and cures for diseases. Ned wants to do a double major in engineering and architecture; he started describing spherical glass houses with green, alive, energy-generating goo in the walls when he was in elementary school. Lately, they have been building a fuel cell in the basement. They also go to the climbing gym together and scale 45' walls, taking turns belaying each other.

Meanwhile, she and Ned 'worked' the IU-Purdue football game today, called the Old Oaken Bucket game. It is an historic rivalry, and it is the one game that sells out no matter how bad our football team is (and we are amazingly, consistently bad) . The winner gets to take home the Old Oaken Bucket and have a parade. Kids in the high schools act as ticket takers at the gates to raise money for school clubs. Ned and Amanda are in the Science Olympiad, Solar Bike, and Robotics clubs. They have been working both football and basketball games this fall. The Old Oaken Bucket game requires separating hulking jocks from their beer before they enter the stands. Amanda does just fine, but they were both relieved to escape the chaos at halftime.

Mimi and I went walking today - a beautiful fall day. Tonight she is seeing the opera a second time: a new IU production of La Boheme, the precursor of her all-time favorite musical, Rent, both of which have her namesake in the starring role. Her son Nick has a small but named part and is listed in the program. He is amazingly at home on stage and has a tremendous presence. He is now tall (5' 10"?), slim and poised; he leaves for 4 months in NYC on January 5. He will be interning with Chris Benz, a top notch new designer.

Terry came to Bloomington to visit last weekend and let me recover from the Japan trip. We all went to the opera together, and then to Mimi's for champagne afterward. Nick shared portfolios of sketches and photographs of things he has designed, modeled by his closest friend Monica. It is impossible to do his work justice in words, but one was an absolutely stunning, off the shoulders evening gown with a fitted bodice and tiers of ruffles, and made entirely of black plastic garbage bags. I keep telling Mimi that he is the next Julie Taymor, because he can act, do set design, costumes, and I am sure he could direct if given a chance. I do feel a real affinity with Nick; he entirely gets my obsession with NYC.

I will be up late tonight. Amanda will sleep upstairs in Daniel's room. Ned and the other guys will sleep, eventually, in the dormitory in the basement. It is finished, with comfy rugs on top of the tile, and I have enough inflatable mattresses for everyone. I have chicken apple sausages, bagels, eggs, kiwi and strawberries for breakfast (or brunch or lunch - whenever they all wake up). I hope they will all have warm, happy memories of high school parties ten years from now.

What is everyone doing for Thanksgiving? I will be with Terry and his kids in Marin; Daniel is coming to me because he is 21 and can choose. Ned will be with his dad. Ali, are you going to be in SF? I would love to introduce Daniel to you.

Kitty!!

With apologies to Mimi for scooping her post: Mimi found Kitty Fenstermenster living in Indianapolis! We are in email contact and will try to get together soon. Mimi has been buying Smith College Pecans for decades, and always giving me some, so she is on the Nuts Distribution List, and someone hit reply to all and Kitty showed up. She grew up in Carmel north of Indy, and came home to nurse mom and dad through final illnesses (in their 90s). She married about 8 years ago - a philosophy professor - has 3 grown step-kids, and works at the Department of Labor. To be continued....

Greetings from Kumamoto, Japan

Hi, kids. I am in Kumamoto, Japan where today I participated in a symposium on alternative dispute resolution. It is my first trip to Japan, though my third to Asia. In 2005 and 2006, I traveled to South Korea. The Koreans flew me to Seoul in business class, which made 13 hours on a plane easy. This time, I flew economy: Indy to Detroit, Detroit to Osaka, and Osaka to Fukuoka, then a 2-hour van ride to Kumamoto. All told, the voyage took 24 hours on the road and awake. The NWA flight to Osaka was 14 hours long. I thought I would be okay because I was in an exit row, but it was right next to the galley and the toilets, and had the only open space on the plane. There were two different tour groups of 20-30 young teen Japanese girls on their way home; they tended to gather on the floor space by my feet and giggle until the flight attendants shooed them away. I didn't sleep, but I had some good conversations about labor conditions at Northwest; the flight attendants took a 40% cut in pay during the reorganization and they refused to sell out the less senior staff by adopting a two-tier system like the pilots did. Meanwhile, Northwest's CEO took no cut at all.

Kumamoto is a medium-sized city on the southernmost island of Japan. The city feels like home except for the fact you can't read the signs. I went shopping in the fancy department store across the street, which is huge, and I had to go up to the fifth floor before I could find anything but western designer clothes. It has a wonderful medieval castle, surreal Japanese gardens, and tomorrow we go visit an active volcano. The Japanese are like the Brits in that they drive on the other side of the street. It is disorienting to make a right turn that is like a left turn in the way it crosses oncoming traffic.

In some ways, I am an old hand at this. The breakfast buffet has western food that looks like it should be familiar but tastes different. It is served room temperature to cold. The eggs are sunnyside up, with the yolks still dark yellow and barely congealed (hey, they are still eggs...). The sausages are a cross between miniature hot dogs and bangers. There is also one of those coffee machines where you press a button for a cappuccino or a latte or whatever. There is Japanese food, but I never seem to want rice for breakfast; I did eat various kinds of fish.

On the other hand, this evening at the banquet, they asked me if I was willing to eat raw horse meat. I declined. Later, when they asked me why, I tried to explain that in America little girls all go crazy over horses from ages 8-12. They read horse books, buy little horse dolls, want to ride horses....They said, "Oh, you mean it is like a pet." I decided not to explain the part about sexual sublimation in the prepubescent female and simply agreed, "Yes, like a pet."

This is a "men first" culture. When I first encountered this in business class on Korean Air, I thought perhaps I was imagining things. I was sitting in the third row or so in the middle on one of those huge, fat jets, and the flight attendants started to serve dinner. They served every single male seated in business class before they would serve me. There was one other woman traveling with her husband; she got served with him. They served men behind me before they came back up to the third row. It happened again here with the hotel and handling luggage, and a female professor explained the "men first" thing. It also happened tonight at dinner. It is odd, because on the one hand, I am a guest in the seat of honor near the dean. On the other, I am irrevocably female from the perspective of the wait staff.

One thing I enjoy is the gift culture. There is much ritual giving of gifts in Asia. Receiving the gifts I have gotten down to a science. The giving part is a complex and subtle thing, so I have not mastered it yet. A gift must go to the highest ranking male in the organization, and it should not be something personal, but rather something symbolic and professional. Also, books and reprints are always appropriate. I brought crystal globes with little stands engraved with the name of the school and university. I have a growing collection of crystal objects adorning various surfaces in my living room: small clocks, paperweights, business card stands with names like Yonsei University and Ewha University.

I actually cried at Ewha. It is the largest women's university in the world: 20,000 women with full graduate programs (law, medicine, doctoral programs) and it dates back to the 1880s. Smith times ten. It is among the top 4 universities in Korea. They kept themselves open throughout WWII and the Japanese occupation; pretty amazing.

Well, I don't want to be a blog hog. Homeward bound Tuesday. Love, Lisa

Flood, Fire and now Noel

Ok, not enough we need a "bateau" in New Orleans, or a fire hose in LA, now Vicky needs to batten down the hatches as Noel heads for Florida. Here's the latest from NOAA:

...NOEL LINGERING ALONG THE CUBAN COAST...TROPICAL STORM WATCHISSUED FOR THE SOUTHEAST FLORIDA COAST...AT 5PM EDT...2100Z...A TROPICAL STORM WATCH IS IN EFFECT FROM NORTHOF OCEAN REEF TO JUPITER INLET FLORIDA. A TROPICAL STORM WATCHMEANS THAT TROPICAL STORM CONDITIONS ARE POSSIBLE WITHIN THE WATCHAREA.

We live exciting lives...

Mini notes to all

Allison, the flooding looks awful. How can 'new' pumps be so unreliable. Did the rain come that much faster than usual? When you spoke of writing and reading poetry you asked if any of us had read, HD. Who is that? Does anyone want to read the book Allison lent me while we were on Mercer Island? It is called 1 Dead in The Attic and it is a newspaper man's emotional and very personal account of Katrina. Let me know and I will send it on.
Mimi, I see you have a draft going today but I can't read much of it. Hopefully you will post soon. I heard through the grapevien that you have some wonderful news to share. You are famous now and as I told Cecilia , the closest I can get to fame is through my daughters. I will copy and past Cathyrn's most recent shout out at the bottom of this so you can all see why I am bursting with pride!
Cindy, I love Sardines and when ever I eat them they bring back memories of our honeymoon in Spain; for some reason it was the one thing we could find in the grocery that was easy to take to the beach with us. I still eat them for lunch out of a can on occasion as they are loaded with stuff that is supposed to be good for us.Victoria, thank you soooo much for the photo. I was so happy to get it and will soon get the photos of California visit to all of you. Cathryn said she will show me how to send them in a folder; wish I could pass on the actual slideshow but we don't know how to do that. Mimi, you are the keeper of the first video in RI. I know you are busy but as long as we know you have it someday we can get it out to the group. If you send to me on a DVD I can have John copy it. Betsy, let us know how the east coast visit went. I want to bring Courtney to Mercer Island in the spring!Lisa, you are right I never knew which house had TP but it did always feel like home. Glad you have found a routine that works and that you are so in love. Remember we need lots of time to plan for the wedding 'cuz we all MUST be there to make it official at some point! No pressure! Miss you all. Maybe Boston in February in addition to New Orleans in May?????xxxxxxxxxxxxooooooooooooooooooColleen

Here is Cat's article.

Harvard-Westlake outlasts Flintridge Sacred Heart in girls' volleyball
BY ERIK BOAL, Special to the Daily News
Article Last Updated: 10/25/2007 11:02:36 PM PDT

LA CANADA FLINTRIDGE -- Like any team navigating its way up the steep, windy hill to reach Flintridge Sacred Heart's campus, the Harvard-Westlake of Studio City girls' volleyball team faced an uphill battle Thursday night.

After 2 1/2 hours of grueling competition, the Wolverines, namely their seniors, had climbed a huge mountain in the quest for the Mission League title.

Princeton-bound middle blocker Cathryn Quinn helped Harvard-Westlake accomplish something that no Wolverines team had done since her sister, Kristin, did so in 2002 by recording a league victory at Flintridge Sacred Heart.

Quinn had 13 kills and seven blocks and sophomore outside hitter Megan Norton matched her career-high with 26 kills to lead the Wolverines to a 27-25, 22-25, 24-26, 25-16, 15-10 triumph, clinching at least a share of the league crown after sharing the championship with their rival last year.

"It was awesome," Quinn said. "We knew this was for league, this was it for our seniors. It was necessary that we do this. There wasn't going to be any more co-champs."

Following the match's conclusion, Quinn embraced a tearful Flintridge Sacred Heart senior setter Samantha Orlandini, her club teammate at Sports Shack. Orlandini, one of two four-year varsity players in program history, had never lost a home league match in her career until Thursday.

But despite her 42 assists and 22 digs and 39 digs from her junior sister, Jenna Orlandini, the Tologs

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(18-4, 6-2) couldn't protect a two-to-one lead and a 3-0 advantage to open the fourth game, suffering their first season sweep against the Wolverines (19-4, 8-0) since 2002.
"We came back (from an 18-12 deficit) in the second game, but you're not going to be able to consistently get down six or seven points against them and come back," said Tologs coach Shelli Orlandini, who received a career-high 13 kills from Megan Meyers. "When you're playing a good team like that, you have to play sideout volleyball."

Norton had 11 kills in the final two games to lead the Wolverines' comeback, recording their third victory in four five-game matches.

"I wanted to do my part, but I was also trying to do it for (our seniors)," Norton said. "We didn't want to share (the league title) anymore."

Said Harvard-Westlake coach Adam Black: "You can always tell how much it means to people by how hard they fight. We knew it was going to be challenge coming up the mountain. But the girls played tough and I'm very proud of them."

Westlake defeats Moorpark: Michelle Ketter and Dena Galucci led Westlake with 23 kills and 43 assists respectively, as the Warriors defeated the visiting Musketeers 25-13, 24-26, 18-25, 25-12, 15-10.

Westlake improved to 17-4 and 9-2 in league and kept a firm grip on second place behind undefeated league leader Thousand Oaks.

- Jacob H. Pollon

Smoldering In California

Thanks Cindy, for asking about how the fire was affecting us. Allison and Cecilia checked in too. I know it is even hard for me to understand how we can live this close to Malibu and not be on fire ourselves. The mountains and canyons provide barriers to the actual fire but the smoke and ashes make their way here. This is the first morning in almost a week that we awoke to beautiful clear blues skies. It is quite a relief but so sad to see so many suffering. The temperature was uncomfortably warm all week too and kept me in from all my usual outside sports. Living with the threat of fire seems to just part of the deal here in California; odd still to someone who grew up on the east coast but as we all know each region seems to have its own unique challenges!
Anyway we are all fine and trying to find ways of helping others. Courtney's boyfriend, Steven, who has been recuperating from an injury while playing for the Bears, has been living with us and exited briefly to help his parents in Orange County pack for evacuation. Thankfully in the end they did not have to leave their house but it was close! Steven has pretty much decided to
move on from the NFL and try to find a job in the 'real' world. We are doing our best with various introductions but if any of you have ideas it would be great to hear about. One of the downsides of a liberal arts education, he is a UCLA grad, is that it really doesn't help define a careeer path. Right now he is looking at the financial services area but I would love to have him chat with people in all sorts of industries to get a more diverse mix.
I had not looked at the blog in a while so it was good to catch up on y'all! I will write more soon.

The long distance relationship

I am at Terry's. Terry is headed north to Humboldt State with his son Greg for Admission Day. They will be back tomorrow. You would think I might resent flying here yesterday only to be left alone in the house today, but that is not the way it works. I have two homes and two normal lives. They are just 2,000 miles apart and completely different. No matter where I land, SFO or IND, I feel like I am coming home. When I leave, I feel like I am going home. When I am here, I have a surrogate son (who will be great someday but hates me now as I am the easiest target). When I am in Bloomington, I have Ned (who is amazing and loves me more than I deserve). There is symmetry in sons, if not in the attendant emotions.

When I am in Bloomington, I cling to my women friends: Mimi of course, and two others. Rebecca lives two houses down from me, is a stay-at-home mom with a phd in theater history writing a book on Jewish theater during the Third Reich. Diane is a colleague at IU, a neuroscientist who examines the effects of endocrine disrupters (dioxin, pcbs) on birds. They both have daughters; I have decided that it is much, much easier to have teenage sons, even if they hate you. When I am in California, I know Allison is within reach, and I have some professional contacts in the city, but I haven't made new women friends.

One phenomenon is olfactory. When you live somewhere, you get used to the way it smells. You don't notice it much except when the weather or season changes. I notice it whenever I come to either home. They are entirely different. Marin smells like pine and eucalyptus. Bloomington smells like lawn. In each case, you have a strong positive association with the smell, because it means you are home.

Terry says it would make him crazy to live like this. It is true that I get confused when I go grocery shopping. Am I out of basil in Indiana or California? What is the laundry situation? There is the challenge of ensuring a balance of seasonally appropriate clothes for two different climates across the year. As I have written before, there are vast political and cultural differences. And Bloomington is a fishbowl - no matter where I go, someone will know me or there will be at best one degree of separation. Marin is anonymous; I get no sense of community, but I still have a sense of home. I know my way around and I have grocery stores, medical care, a dry cleaner, favorite bars, bookstores, coffee shops, and drug stores. I guess it is not really that much different from when Colleen and John had the apartment in NYC and the house in Pawling: two different places but both home.

New Orleans Monday

We had little rain storm on Monday -- 6 inches in a few hours and then another 4-5 and the "new" pumps couldn't keep up.

This is right in front of our house on Panola Street, mid afternoon on Monday, October 22nd.

Colleen

Has anyone been in touch with Colleen? The fires have to be near her...

postings, politics and pouring rain

I am sitting in my living room in New Orleans into about the 6th hour of a storm and constant rain. I have to sit close to the front door so I can piggyback on someone else's wireless connection because I can't get the dial up to work. I refuse to pay for internet connection here (another monthly bill)...

I havent posted because I've had the cold thing for two weeks (cough still a pain in the ass), slammed at work per usual and trying to finish my book so all else goes to the wayside. I had this trip planned because it's my friend Jack's 87th birthday and I wasn't going to miss that. (The idea being that we would show up for his funeral so if you're not going to show up for his birthday while he's alive...what kind of friend are you?)

We celebrated here yesterday, house full of people, Debra cooked for us (you will all taste her fabulous creole food) and we drank a lot of champagne. Yesterday and the day before were gorgeous, clear crisp, then it started getting muggy and we knew the storm was approaching. I hear thunder as I type.

I am happy to talk politics as I did a bit when we were at Betsy's. I am sick of politics that points fingers, that accuses opponents of being disloyal or terrorist or whatever. Debate is what made this country and we need to be able to get back to the debate table and talk about difficult subjects without resorting to name calling, accusations and passive aggressive politics. We need to believe that compromise is a good thing, and consensus -- no matter how difficult, brings the surest solution (my book is about this).

Thus, my candidate is Obama because he is trying and I think succeeding in promoting an open discussion without belittling anyone. I read his books, I gave him the max contribution, I have met him several times, and I think he's a rock star. For the first time in years, and maybe in my life, I found someone I can stand up and cheer for, who makes me excited about the system again and about being involved.

That said, I also know Edwards and met him the last time around. I'm a lawyer so I have already a certain pigeon hole I put him in (he's a plaintiffs' trial attorney and I'm usually defense)...I think he's a good guy but lost his crediblity last time and like McCain, is having a hard time regaining it.

For the conservatives, Huckabee is the guy trying to make it happen -- and in my mind he's also a more concilatory politican, although I don't agree with his stance in many ways, I just want more debate. I feel oppressed by the current atmosphere of people refusing to discuss because the sides are at each other and too far away. My entire law firm are Hillarites -- mainly because one of my partners is married to Harold Ickes, if you anything about insider politics...he's running Hillary's campaign. Another partner is a national chair...I smile politely with them but they all know I'm a die hard Obama fan.

Lastly, the book is nearly completion -- I think over thanksgiving I'll have enough time to finish and get it out to my first round of readers (the cops, the FBI agent, etc.) for veracity. What I really want to do -- and I've been going through all my writing in my garrett because we're renovating the house and I need to move everything -- is finish my poetry book. Been writing little, but reading others more with huge envy for the loveliness of the writing. Anybody out there ever read any HD?

There's a night program for an MFA in poetry...am considering it...sounds crazy, doesn't it?

In the meantime, I am planning new Orleans...don't get discouraged by the hotel situation as that is as it always is. There will be b&b's, and other places...keep looking. Try quikbook.com and other sites. Also, some people rent out their homes for fest so look on the nojazzfest.com site as well or craig's list. We'll get everyone a place to sleep. It may be a mad slumber party (even with the husbands) at our house if need be. I am very excited about showing everyone around and we're going to do some incredible dinners...more to follow.

So wanderings, musing and all...want to find a way to stay in New Orleans and not to have to work anymore. Just want to write. Seem to get too tangled into life to break free of what those responsibilities are that hold me back.

Sabbatical in three years. Will I last until then?

Who are we thinking about voting for?

The blog seems to go a long time between postings. So, at the risk of breaking Emily Post's rules about avoiding politics and religion in polite conversation, I want to know what all of you are thinking about the presidential election. I am ready personally to endorse Edwards. There, I have broken the ice.

the sardine festival

Bert & I did something fun yesterday...we went to the Aberdeen Sardine Festival. I thought it might be a serious thing, but it was all tongue-in-cheek. The Sardine Queen rode in on a fire truck. If you wanted food, you could get sardines (of course), RC colas and moon pies (famous southern delicacies). They also had a local history museum and a petting zoo on the grounds. The whole thing was so silly it was a riot! Getting ready to watch our Panthers, who are pretty bad since our QB Jake Delhomme is injured.

Love Cindy

Farmers Market

Mimi and I went to the farmers market this morning - our Saturday tradition from May to November when we are both in town. It was loaded with heavy vegetables today - giant zucchini, pumpkins, butternut, broccoli heads, and a motherlode of tomatoes, peppers, cukes, and onions. This time of year, you can arrive late and not miss anything, unlike April and May, when you have to be early to get the asparagus. We never fight over the last of anything; for one thing, she is fast and strategic, and for another, I am not as driven. She is better at picking out the best stand for things - finding the sweetest cherry tomatoes or tenderest beans. I generally look for the cheapest organic stuff.

A wonderful part of the tradition is coffee and conversation afterward. We used to go to local indigenous coffee shops like the Daily Grind or Runcible Spoon, but we have devolved to Starbucks - both because it has driven out others and because her kids like it. She routinely brings home a tray full of elaborate drinks for the boys. Mine drink tea that I import mail order through British Express.

Today, she observed that our fifties are like our twenties in some ways. She said we look around and are more open, exploring the world and our place in it. In our twenties, we think about how we will make our mark; in our fifties, we think about whether we have and if there is still time to. This seemed to connect to Victoria's last post.

My own time line had the premature focus on law school and law practice in my twenties and thirties. I did explore things in my late thirties when we moved here, and Mimi is right about my experience of our fifties. Part of the pattern may be the enforced focus on children for those of us who have them. As they leave, we are free again to think more about ourselves as agents in the world and less as serving needs at home. Her metaphor was head down contrasted with head up, and that also feels right.

Love, Lisa

Morosely Menopausal

After 2 bumpy months I'm kinda blinking at the sunlight. As some of you knowlate this summer one of my boys struggled through a mess involving some buddies of his and some, uh, let's just say "hot" merchandise....there was a near miss with the law, angry parents, shame and not a little retribution on John's part. Immediately after that my oldest son, Joe, had an ugly and embarrassing break-up with his finacee, which caused me a few buckets of tears. So I've put off running for Mother-of-the-Year.....again.

On the upside (thank God there's always an upside) we settled John in at Florida Atlantic University in Boca Raton and, though he still lands here on weekends, he is making his way as a freshman. Zach started his sophomore year at Jupiter Christian School, taking honors stuff, including microbiology, (which he is ace-ing, the kid's scary-smart). He splits his time between his web-life, volunteering at a wildlife sanctuary, an independent science project on the effects of household disinfectants on pseudanomas originosa (something that can actually croak you)...I thought Mimi would be amused by that one.

Arnie is toiling away at his job with little relish, wishing that he could retire. But thanks to my spending habits for the last 28 years, that ain't going to happen. He's still good at what he does, but he, like anybody our age, has realized that time is getting a little shorter and there's other stuff he wishes he could do. Go figure. However, we are solvent and the house is paid off, so life is not bleak. But I need to get a grip or at least contribute....neither prospect seems appetizing to an inveterate (i.e, spoiled) homemaker.

Joe is starting to recover from his hall-of-shame breakup with Katie and has thrown himself into his job with Enterprise Rent-a-car (where he was already doing mad hours). As a result he's still the darling of his district, bagged yet another promotion and plans to work himself slap to death through the holidays. After bunking with us for a month he's now sharing a townhouse with two buddies and I think they are exploring their tiki-bar decorating options. After all, girls, this is Florida.

So now there's me, drifting along the pitching currents of menopause (hot flash, anyone?) and a virtually empty nest - a woman without a country and reeealllly tired of rearranging my furniture. I have been hanging out with a relatively new set of girlfriends who have been kicking my ass to do something with myself now that I "have the time" to act on some of my more creative impulses. Evidently they think that I am funny and could do something reasonably professional about it. So I have begun writing small stuff for my christian buddies to see if I can get them to snort with laughter. If not, I hear there are openings al Wal-Mart.

It's taken a long time to get over just being "Doug Kenney's sister". But, armed with a load of prayer and a few hits of caffeine I'm about to stick my toe in the water.

Sailing on the Salish Seas

Hi Everyone!
I've been working for Salish Sea Expeditions during the last month. We've been sailing on Puget Sound, and last Thursday and Friday, I helped transit our boat (S/V Carlyn) to Anacortes for programs in the San Juan Islands. If you want to better understand my job aboard this beautiful 61-foot sailing vessel, visit www.salish.org. I'm Mate. Communication with the outside world is sporadic, because we officially don't use cell phones, computers, blogs, email, or Blackberries unless there is an urgent need to do so. I'll become more available after Oct. 15.

In 2 days, Eric, Beth, and I head to the East Coast for a reunion, family and friend visits, and college tours. We're staying with the Garrity's Wednesday night (Cecilia, I'll email you ASAP with final plans!) When I return from this trip on Oct 2, I head to Salish the next morning.

It's a wonderful outdoor education program and a blast, but intense 24 hour days on the water with lots of students. The students, science, sailing, and crew keep me energized. But after five years, 10 seasons, I'm thinking I may want to cut back my time next spring. Beth is in her last year of high school, and I want to spend time with her and her senior year (empty nest syndrome, perhaps?) Additionally, I have some further training I want to do. And Jazzfest is just around the corner.

So, I'll write back soon. Thanks, Colleen, for helping my get back into the blog. The email announcements from folks are not consistent. I haven't received them everytime. But now I've set things up to check more regularly.

love,
Betsy

pics

Okay, I am posting a couple of pictures....

Life in the very fast lane!

Dear All,

We have been moving a breakneck speed. Finally, we are beginning to dig out from the aftermath of dropping off two kids at their respective schools, moving out of the RI house and closing on it. Our incentive to get organized is that we look forward to a visit from Betsy and her family on Wednesday, as they make the college swing.

Lisa, so sorry to hear about the photos. There is a special rung in hell reserved for our erstwhile friend. Thankfully, Lola is a dutiful grandmother.

Cindy, Jeff and I often think about where we want to live after retirement. Although Jeff is technically retired now, I think it might be temporary, once again. As a primary residence for the long haul, New England is expensive and the weather is undesirable. Any suggestions? Jeff and I are going to circle places on the map and proceed to visit them.

Allison, when is your writer's conference in Dedham? Next weekend, we leave for the wedding/Bat Mitzvah in New Orleans. It should be a blast.

I hope this goes through, as I don't have much confidence in my technological abilities.

Take care all.

Love,
Cecilia

The Blog Lives!

It was great to find Cindy and Colleen and Ali's posts when I opened the blog today. I got inspired and started to load pictures from our 25th Reunion, and then realized I do not know our policy about pictures of each other. Of course, people can always post pictures of themselves, but how do you feel about my posting pictures of you? I went to email them, but it added up to 9 mb and maxed out my email limit.

I found the pictures in film I had developed three years ago, over twenty rolls that had been sitting around for years. During the divorce, I took it with me with the understanding that Geoff and I would share, scan, and exchange pictures. I had them put on CD ready to trade, but he reneged; he kept the family photo albums and won't let me copy anything, and so I lost the vast majority of pictures of the children growing up. This has been a source of some pain, because I was the family photographer.

Thankfully, I had been sending duplicates to my Mom early on, and so I have the time period from Daniel's birth to Ned at age 3 covered pretty well. Also, I got a digital camera in 2002, so I have all the years after that, when Ned was 11 and Daniel 16, covered well. What was wonderful to discover was that this film covered chunks of the gap. There were walks in the woods, Halloween costumes, birthday parties, and jumping around in fall leaves. Let this be a caution to you all; scan and preserve now! Seeing them brings things back in sense memories so visceral I can almost smell the kids' skin.

Anyway, how do you all feel about posting pictures from our various reunions?

Love, Lisa

just checking in

Hi All
We went to VA for Bert's youngest sister's 50th birthday (you might be getting older if...). The water levels on the lakes were shockingly low. Thankfully we are getting hit by the remnants of Humberto today, but our rain totals are 11 inches below normal this year.

Bert is seriously looking into retiring soon. Anyone else there yet? (besides me)He wants to work less and spend more time in Pinehurst, but no one ever really retires from Plastic Packaging. Daddy is 80 and still goes to the office every day. I gave DD my job as Daddy's assistant...she wanted to spend more time with her daughter Lucy. Yep she's a Lucinda just like me!

When is the Nest Really Empty?

Nonsense Lisa, you are not killing the Blog you are feeding it. I do agree we need more participation though.I see Betsy is still trying to figure it out and I hope my email response to her this afternoon will get her going.I had checked and not seen any new postings in so long that I didn't dare write again.Funny, I thought we got an email each time someone posted to the Blog but I never got one re your August post.

Things are finding a new new normal here as John and I work around his new schedule. It is a little hard to get used to but fun to have so much more time together. We should have been alone this weekend as Cathryn went on her official visit to Cornell; instead we have Steven here for 4-6 weeks doing rehab in Santa Monica on ankle turned in most recent Chicago Bears game! He is on leave now for 10 weeks and if he can get strong enough will have another chance to return. Who new the NFL would become part of our family of ALL GIRLS!Speaking of all girls Lisa, we would have no idea about LANs or the attendant cybergames. We do have Volleyball and that is where Cathryn does all of her bonding! This weekend swarms of parents will accompany their daughters to Huntington Beach where we will watch 2 days of girls in spandex! Two weeks later we travel to San Jose for another weekend tournament and I am hoping that Allison will be able to join us for a match or two. Lisa if you are up north the weekend of Sept 28th let me know and maybe we can rendez-vous also. In closing we will try to keep Cat on track for the next 6 weeks while she juggles 4 APs, college trips and applications and TOO much VOLLEYBALL!

JPMORGAN accommodated Courtney by sending her on business to NYC for 2 weeks so she is having great time bonding with her sister.

Is anyone home?

I have concluded my posts are blog killers.

Empty nests

Tomorrow, Daniel flies back to Skidmore College, and Ned is with Geoff this week, so I will come back to an empty nest for Labor Day weekend. Both Colleen and Betsy left posts foreshadowing empty nests, and I ended up with one part-time and prematurely because of the divorce. It is always a shock to find the house empty. Mimi and I are planning our annual pesto fest, which will keep me busy. We usually make 20 to 30 sixteen-ounce containers of pesto concentrate for the freezer. I have eaten pesto at her house during lab parties; mine gets consumed at LAN parties and swim team potlucks.

LAN parties are local area network parties. We have a cluster of six or seven old computers in the basement, a mix of pcs and Macs. I bought this house partly because of the basement for LAN parties. I finished it (nothing fancy, just tile floor, paint, futons, area rugs) and we bought a bunch of inflatable air mattresses. Once or twice a month, we have from 6 to 10 kids for a sleepover party and they stay up all night playing Starcraft and Warcraft and wreaking havoc and mayhem in cyberspace. It is more civilized than it sounds; I feed them a formal dinner and make them sit down at the table with my blue and white china. Favorites are salmon and pesto, pork tenderloin and pesto, grilled chicken and pesto, or just pesto....And then there is usually french toast and bacon and eggs and banana muffins for breakfast.

Surprisingly, it does not disrupt my sleep. I wander between time zones so much I am pretty flexible, and I have a strong sense that this is a precious time for kids. High school and college go so fast, and these friendships and good times make for strong and lasting memories. And if they are in the basement, I know where they are and what they are doing. They don't seem to mind if I wander down and do laundry at 3 am. I will miss the LAN parties when they are finally over, but I expect we will keep having them even after Ned goes to college, since Daniel has used them to have reunions with high school friends when he comes home.

Last year, Terry and I spent Labor Day weekend with Allison, Jess and their many wonderful friends camping in Mendocino. The pictures Ali posted do not do the whole scene justice. Jess has built a campground that winds in and out of the woods and up hills, with a tree house, and gas stove, and outdoor shower in the middle of it. There are wonderful communal meals and good conversation. In exactly the spot Ali shows in the picture, we watched something miraculous last year. Flight after flight of red-winged black birds, from 20 to 100 in a flock, circled around the lake and landed in the reeds to spend the night. We watched, mesmerized, and tried to keep count. By the time it was over, there were easily a couple thousand birds making a holy racket until the sun went down. I would love to be there this weekend, but Terry needs a little more healing time before we can camp again, and I need to be with Daniel until he leaves.

Love, Lisa

Happy Katrina Day

Two years ago today, New Orleans was flooded and the government was shamed. Our house survived and many others did, but much of the City was ruined....

Here's an excerpt from Garrison's Keillors Writer's Almanac (© 2007 American Public Media 480 Cedar Street, Saint Paul, MN USA 55101):

It was on this day in 2005 that Hurricane Katrina hit the Gulf Coast near New Orleans. Before it reached land, it was the strongest hurricane ever measured in the Gulf of Mexico, with winds of up to 175 miles per hour. But by the time it hit New Orleans on this day, it had lost some of its strength. The wind damage was much worse in parts of Mississippi. Early on, most people thought New Orleans had dodged the bullet.
But two reporters from the New Orleans Times-Picayune newspaper got a tip that there might be a leak in one of the levees, so they rode bikes out to the levee of the 17th Street canal. They never even made it to the levee. One of the main streets on their route was filled with rushing water, more than seven feet deep, and it was rolling south toward the rest of the city. More than 80 percent of the city was eventually flooded, about 140 square miles, which is seven times the size of Manhattan. The water rose higher than 14 feet in some places.

All communication in the city began to break down. The 911 operators had evacuated, and so people calling 911 just reached an answering machine. Eventually there was no power, no phone service, no cell phones. Many of the police officers in the city abandoned their posts and just tried to save themselves. The local prison was evacuated, and several prisoners escaped. National Guard troops didn't arrive until the fourth day of the disaster.
Many of the journalists at The Times-Picayune slept in their office building the first night after the hurricane, and they realized the following morning that they had to evacuate or they'd be stranded. A total of 240 employees and some family members piled into all the newspaper delivery trucks available, and they drove out of the city.

The staff of The Times-Picayune had to evacuate their building, but the editor Jim Amoss was determined to keep publishing the newspaper even if only on the Internet, so a small group of journalists stayed behind in the city to cover what was going on. By September 1, the newspaper had begun printing the paper again, and they delivered it free to shelters and hotels around the city. On Friday, September 2, reporters brought copies of the newspaper to the Convention Center, where many people had been living for days. Witnesses said that the people at the Convention Center wept at the sight of their hometown newspaper. Reporters then began distributing the paper to refugees and relief workers throughout the city, and residents of the city were overwhelmed by emotion when the newspaper arrived on their doorstep. The Times-Picayune eventually won two Pulitzer Prizes for its Hurricane Katrina coverage, including a gold medal for meritorious public service.

Many books have since been written about the disaster, including The Great Deluge: Hurricane Katrina, New Orleans, and the Mississippi Gulf Coast by Douglas Brinkley, Breach of Faith: Hurricane Katrina and the Near Death of a Great American City by Jed Horn, and Come Hell or High Water: Hurricane Katrina and the Color of Disaster by Michael Eric Dyson. But one of the most personal books to come out of the disaster is the collection of columns by the Times-Picayune writer Chris Rose, called One Dead in Attic.


Panola Street right after the hurricane:

Last, but not least

OK, I just figured this out, I think. (I'm quite the procrastinator.) Now I'm going to play with fonts and color.

I'm finishing up summer. My next seasonal job (Salish Sea Expeditions) kicks in 9/4, the same day schools start around here. Therefore, I've got a deadline to finish everything I said I'd do this summer.

Thanks for setting this blog thing up. Your pictures are great, Allison. I made an appointment with Beth on Wednesday to help me dump pics from my digital into the computer and play around with editing. Our family is in the throws of switching to a new computer and have two computers and two keyboards (and soon two printers) set up on this tiny desk. Very cozy.

I'm planning the east coast college tour with Beth and eric. End of Sept. Boston to NY/Princeton. We're done with the CA tour and will save the WA tour for day trips after I'm finished with Salish. (Cecilia, I'll be contacting you soon)

More later. It's 11:45 PM and I'm going to bed.
love,
Betsy

New Orleans Panola Street House

The far left is our kitchen during Jack's birthday (he's the old guy with his back to you)...I think he was 85 or 86 then. And that's Paula Chance from Atlanta, a regular with us in New Orleans and whom you will meet and love as we all do. We sit at that bar a lot.

The closer image is a old shot of the dining room in New Orleans...I'm just searching for what I've got on the computer. We have a lot more art up now.

I have a few shots of the front of the house right after Katrina but they are on my other blog which I'll try and link to this one...(see interesting links)

More to follow! (Here's NPR right after Katrina using the house!)

Summer in Mendocino County/Laytonville

Here's Robbie (in green dress), Marie (with her red pony tail) and I sipping champagne at our property in Mendocino...we're up on the road watching the guys play frisbee golf. To our right is the lake. I'll try and find some more photos but happened to have this one handy. This was last Labor Day....

I'll find some of the New Orleans house...al

On Crack and other stories

Sorry was absent, work has been crazy. Last week sent off a 25 page legal argument regarding pollock fishing in Alaska (you can't believe the regulations). This week I am doing a similar dissertation to try and talk redevelopment in doing the right thing for my client, Leola King, an 84 year old black woman who was one of the first nightclub owners (and one of the most successful AND the only woman) in the Fillmore District in San Francisco in the 1950's. Redevelopment took 11 of her properties by eminent domain and gave her nothing, zippo. She has a certificate of convenience that's it...which means that if she doesn't get a property within a year (when the official close the redevelopment region) she's hosed.

She is one of my heroes as I have been researching this area for over a year now for my next book. Just like me (hence "on crack" following on Vicky's fairly accurate blogerization) to have the ideal client walk in after all the research to walk me through my next book. She gave me a photo of herself with Josephine Baker from the 50's in her club. It is my proudest possession (next to my Nolan Ryan shrine).

I spent the weekend working in the office, on my book or reorganizing my closet so I feel I can spent a minute or two on the blog. I'm meeting my Dad and Susie for lunch on a layover on their trip to Europe.

So I have a good story for you -- this will be quick. The other night, Jess and I are down at the Argus, which is our local, and we're talking with Applejack, a older blues player who hangs out there when he isn't on the road here or in Europe. He's a lovely fellow, has stayed in our house in New Orleans, etc. Anyway, he introduces me to a young cartoonist, Jose Ruiz, who has recently published a comic book, working on a movies, etc. I find out with probing questions that he is "homeless" or rather living off the largess of his friends. I rememeber doing that myself in North Beach in San Francisco, in between jobs, trying to write, having my infrastructure go to hell several times. So I drag him home (up the hill actually) and put him in our upstairs room that is being renovated but not right at the moment, but a temporary respite. Of course, then his girlfriend breaks up with him (although he seems to have lots of girlfriends) and this week he's spending a week in Austin, Texas (where he's from) doing some kind of drawings for Willie Nelson.

"Clear Cut" (the first book) is coming along. I think the first 100 pages are done essentially and I need to work on the last 100 hundred, smooth them out, finish a sub plot, and then edit. I am hoping I can do a lot this coming weekend as we're camping up in Mendocino -- no phones, emails, bullshit, just oxygen and lots of wine.

Don't forget you can put up interesting links, add photos and other kinds of content to the blog so add some pics!

Feeding the Blog

Thought I would check in to see who has been contributing lately and I find, not a soul! Well not so surprising,life is what happens while you should be writing on(in?)the Blog! It is August and I am finally enjoying the summer.John turns 57 (can you believe it?)on Sunday and so this is Birthday weekend. We started celebrating last night with dinner at one of the trendy newish places in Culver City called Ford's Filling Station; it is owned by Harrison Ford's son, I assume funded by DAD! Excellent food and great atmosphere.
I am now headed to play bridge, my latest attempt to keep the brain functioning. John and I are also taking an Excel Program on line though I have no idea how I will put it to use. I keep thinking, without applying for one, a job will pop up in the finance world where they need exactly my skills so I better freshen up the computer ones which were never really honed! The empty nest that awaits me next year needs some feathering!Hope that one of you will touch your keyboard soon and keep this thing from dying out before it has had a chance to live. Please DO Feed the Blog! Love to you all. Colleen

I'm in!

Hi everyone. Here I am, signing in, all gmail'd and accounted for at last. I am sorry I had to miss Seattle - and the guy we were trying to recruit turned us down! More soon. Love to all, Mimi

Back home in Marin

Just got back to Terry and home in Marin. I spent 6 days in Bloomington (leading up to an actual court trial with Geoff over his violations of our decree) with Daniel and Ned and Ned's girlfriend Amanda, and then took the boys to NYC to visit my brother Steve, who lives in the West Village (still unmarried but current girlfriend is a concert violinist and Korean - I don't know whether to be optimistic because she is 15 years younger than him...).

It felt great to be in the city - I had the same experience as Colleen. I love the hum and smell and energy of it, and also the fact that there are so many more out-of-shape people there than in CA. I need my theater fix every 4-6 months; it became my substitute emotional outlet during the 6 years before the divorce. All of us saw Avenue Q, and then the boys saw Blue Man Group (again), while my brother and I went to Gone Missing, a series of monologues about losing things. I remember feeling utterly bereft during the fall of 1976, having lost all of you, and the community we made together. I would have been so much happier had I gone to NYC with Celia, Colleen, and Mimi, or to SF with Ali, but I was a major chicken-shit and chose the coward's way by living with Geoff. I agree with Victoria that Allison has a unique gift for bringing people into community, and that this is the essence of home. And it is hard to make a community of one, which may be why Colleen feels its absence with only her dad in Farmington.

My community in Marin is very narrow, but I have resolved to make it grow. I spend most of my time here in the bedroom or the kitchen (and very happy in both places!). There is Ali within reach, but our mutual schedules are madness, and then I have a growing number of professional contacts. Joe Edelberg is in Berkeley, but I have not contacted him. Terry has few friends, largely because a household with kids and a mom with metastatic breast cancer tends to fold into itself. I am hoping this will change, but his illness this spring postponed it. He is infinitely better, almost completely recovered.

One reason I am reluctant to sell the house in Bloomington is that Mimi and I have built a wonderful community there, with intersecting social circles. It takes time and being open to build it, which means in our all-too-linear lives you can only do it so many times. And that is why I need the one we built at Smith. It sustains me knowing you are all out there.

But does Ali's gift suggests we could get better at it, with practice and will?

Where are you?

Still waiting fot the remainder of our Eight to weigh in. Finally took to time to sign up, allowing me to stop impersonating Allison.

This is fun!

Hi All

OK I want to go to Seattle NOW! It has been over 100 degrees for days, with no prospect of relief anytime soon. I'm just glad I'm not a landscaper or a construction worker.

I think JK Rowling is a genius. I'm reading the last Harry Potter and my niece Lucy (age 7) is reading the first. How cool is that? Her books are just so imaginative, but I am bummed there will be no more.

I'm sorry I missed Seattle, but I waited too late to book a flight and the best price I could get for a direct flight was $700. I also do not like being stuck on a plane for 5 hours. I know...I'm a wimp. If I'd got going earlier I would have stayed 7-10 days and visited my cousins in Federal Way and Eugene.

I have been very sick from March until May...when you have allergies and don't get your shots, this is what happens. Also my doc (who has allergies & is my age) says this is the worst season he can remember. I am back on track with my treatments. Who doesn't just love getting 2 shots every week? At least I'm a better patient than when I was a kid. I vividly remember trying to jump out of the car to avoid the dreaded shot. How did my mom hold me with one hand and drive with the other?

Hey are we still considering Jazzfest in NOLA? I need to book a room at my exclusive hotel! (This is a joke. I stay with Allison's law school friend Jim. Bert is looking forward to meeting him.) One of Bert's nieces is at Tulane also.

Love to all

Home is where the heart is.

From Victoria:

Love the blog. This is a first for me.

I've been ruminating on what is "home" to me. The word creates images that go out around in me in concentric circles. Fasten your seatbelts. I'm overcaffeinated this morning. And my homelife has recently exploded in petty drama. So I will retreat into the intellectual candy of self-expression.

My little housewife mind first darts to a vision of "Casa del Humphrey" here in Jupiter - a hip-roofed ranch house with palm trees where I have professionally nested and nurtured my brood (with varying degrees of success) for the last 9 years. It's the current and comfortable container of all of our stuff and experiences, still warm with every day life because at least half of us still live here. Right now for me "home" is this living thing still in process; a collection of familiar junk and activities that we have more or less mastered, but not finished with (I know. I know. Never end a sentence with a preposition).

The next circle out is South Florida, which has ostensibly been my home for 27 years...yipes! But, like Lisa, in my heart I consider myself something other than where I live; something other than a "Floridian" (or, for those that missed it, "Flor-idiot"). I am, yes, fluent in South Florida culture and geography. Every single relative who I hold dear lives here. I have taught myself to exploit those things here that I enjoy (beach walks, kayaking, waterside restaurants playing Calypso tunes). But though I have lived here exactly half of my entire life, my being grates against what I perceive as a subtropical sprawl that I will never truly embrace. I love my in-laws, who have welcomed and sustained me through mucho crappo over the years. And I love my local friends ferociously. But even so, I have bluffed to my sons, usually after some domestic mexican standoff, by saying, "If anything ever happened to your father I would so be out of here!". I cannot find complete comfort here... can't make peace with the pace and the population density. The air is too thick, too hot. And I resent the fact that civilization repeats itself every half mile up I-95 from Miami to Jacksonville with an intense, cheek-by-jowl arrangement of Taco Bells, bigbox stores, gas stations and look-alike stucco homes - all glued together by one apparently seamless base of concrete. It is indeed home. But it's also not home.

However, whatever might be the ideal "home" outside of Florida defies definition for me. I have lived so many places before here. In fantasy it would be a place without any of the negatives above. But I haven't found that Shangri-La of temperate perfection yet.

The next home-ish circle out from me is wherever I feel seen, connected and safe. That would include all the familiar roads already traveled; the old friends (like some dear and affirming Smith women) and places lived. It is also found within the familiarity of the various languages I have learned to speak. I speak "church" (I am absolutely fluent in both Catholic and Protestant by now). I speak "family" ("Oh, and you have raised how many kids?"...that's like parlez-vous-Francais? to an expectant mother or a granny). Having had lousy social skills when I was younger I now endeavor to make conversational homes with people wherever I go. When we were in Seattle (Lisa, Mimi and Cindy, you so missed a great time) I was so struck and impressed anew by Allison's gift for engaging anybody and everybody she meets. She does what I would like to do....but she does it like she's on crack.

Allison has this rare and adept gift of making a home, or connection, with everybody she meets. She approaches some guy selling paintings at Pike Place Market. She asks a question or two; makes a appreciative comment. And, like the lighting-quick learner that she is, she immediately demonstrates some understanding and value of that soul...."Hey, girls, this is Tony, he's from San Francisco, like me. Looks at this painting..."...And in the process she makes older-than-Allison Tony feel like he's not just a good painter, or a fellow San Franciscan, but some sort of watercolor "stud" in front of her four appreciative friends. It's easy to feel at home with somebody who treats you like that. And then Tony will share back, and connect, and then Allison made a sort of home with him.

Oh yeah, I've ranged too far. But I had fun making the term walk on all fours.

I guess home is where the heart is.

Home At Last

Seems that a lot has been going on while I (Colleen) have been away from my computer. Congrats Allison on setting up the Blog. We have come a long way! I assume this posting will show from Allison as I used her info to get in. Will try soon to set up my own account.
I haven't calculated the exact number of days but the reality is I have been on the road most of the summer. Stimulating and fun to see all but creating great havoc in terms of getting the bills paid and reading my email. Yes, I know I should travel with my handy, dandy iBook (remember, most of you were here when I got it and Lisa and Mimi created the slide show of US in at our first reunion?) but trying to travel without checking baggage and getting through Security is enough trouble! Besides there is no internet service at HOME in Farmington or Cape Cod.
Speaking of Home, as you all have been in your postings, I have given it a lot of thought lately. Unlike Allison, I am not sure I even feel at home anymore in the house I grew up in. It is so different with my Dad there alone. Mom is nearby but their lives are so altered and it is so difficult to figure out how to help. I loved being in NYC for the couple of days I spent helping Kristin get settled in her new apartment! I still feel so AT HOME pounding the pavement there! Finally though, returning to Pacific Palisades is home; as they say home is where the heart is but Lisa, you are right about the conflict that exists between what Californians say and what they do. They may own a Prius; but it is in addition to multiple other gas hogs!

Left Coast

I have to agree with Lisa that although I lived on the East Coast for 7 years, I was never anything but a West coast girl...either up North or Northern California...ocean was just on the wrong side back East.

But at what point do you "attach" to something that is your home? I was thinking of this with various trips to Seattle (not just ours but again this week) and thinking of Tacome/Seattle as "home" where I was formed. I left at 15...you'd think I'd reattach to something, and I have to SF, but the nostaligia I felt in Seattle was interesting to me.

But it's a sense of home for all of us to be together as well, a sense of being understood (why you like to be where you are familiar), of knowing where you are, who you are and what to expect.

(We need some ph0tos)

Once a New Yorker...

We have been having an online exchange about cool (and a little pricier than the CVS variety) flip-flops, an innovation like many moving from west to east. It hit a nerve; we live in different places and the prevailing winds over time cause us to bend in different directions. I will always be a New Yorker: I came of age there and my extended family is there. I migrate back to the theater and shop for deep discounts, but living in the rural Midwest for 18 years has also made its mark.

I read a letter to the editor in the NYT this morning from a new Stanford Phd who just moved from Palo Alto to Bloomington to teach here in the religious studies department. He was reacting to a NYT piece on Silicon Valley millionaires who feel poor by comparison to others in their community. He observed that by moving here, he and his wife suddenly felt not just economically secure, but even privileged. The income distribution here is a very shallow curve. I have been commuting to California and hope eventually to call it home, but I cannot get used to the differences and paradoxes. In Marin, people are green and left, but consume like crazy and yell at you in traffic. What is the impact of how, and where, we choose to live?

I have decided to keep my house in Bloomington as a refuge in my old age (Eight Post Ninety).

First Post

Eight women stayed friends for thirty five years, long enough to learn what a "blog" was and to start one. This is our first entry.

We will amuse each other but we will also impart some of the collectively 400 years of experience we contain within our group. No small task.

We have just come off of our third reunion in four years...five of us made to Seattle to Eulalie ("Betsy") Sullivan's, for a (second) Harry Potter mad evening, some local theatre and lots of salmon; we pet Rachel the pig at Pike's Place, viewed art, made art and our skin benefited from the lovely mist of Seattle.

I'm the ice breaker so fitting I should start it out, but I am very dependent upon the others for carry through so here it goes. best, Ms. Allison